Musings and Clouds

I feel like I am two people inhabiting one body.  The more I explore this, the more I realize other people are too, they just aren’t willing to acknowledge it, or they aren’t ready to voice it out loud.

There is a reserved, book-wormish me that loves muted colors, and things in nature, and wants to spend the rest of her life helping animals.  She believes in magic, miracles, God, and spirits of Nature.  She is easy to get a long with, and compassionate.

There is a loud, boisterous me that loves wild patterns, staying up too late, and making mischief in any way possible.  This me should have been a celebrity, probably an actress or a model.  She is cynical, sarcastic and hard to get close to.  She thoroughly enjoys rubbing people the wrong way.  She believes her universe is hers, and no one can change it.

Maybe there is a third me, because the culmination of the two makes something totally different.  The reality of every day: I am an I.T. Helpdesk technician, not a vet or a star.  I am married, something I never imagined I would be.  I have an African Gray Parrot, not an entire zoo.  I create crafty things, but not nearly as often as I’d like.  I go between approachable and utterly impossible.  Half the time I love my life, and the other half, well, I don’t even like spending time with myself.  I go between happy, angry, and guilty.

Is this so really abnormal?  Am I as crazy as I suppose?

Life isn’t about what you’re thinking, but what you’re doing.  If it was about what you’re thinking, then I would be considered a totally different person, and people wouldn’t like me very much. (At least in my own opinion)  What counts is that I am committed to doing the right thing, no matter what cynical, sarcastic, awful thing that might be going through my head.  I believe God can cheer me on for that.

I’m kind of a hoarder with craft ADD.  I think a project is an amazing idea, and then I gather the supplies, then totally forget about the project, or start it without completion.  Sometimes I even complete something, but then I’m sick of it and don’t want to take the time to photograph it and put it up for sale.  It’s not that I don’t have the time, it’s that I don’t have the willpower.  The loud one? yeah, she does what she wants, and is exhausting to fight against.    (She has also saved my life)

I’m not sure why I wrote this, just in a funny mood, and felt like sharing.

On a different note, I just spent a little cash at Fire Mountain Gems.  They were having a good sale, and I wanted more sparklies.  I’ll post pics as soon as I receive them =)


3 thoughts on “Musings and Clouds

  1. I think it’s like that Walt Whitman line from Song of Myself: “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

    People are so complex and mutable, but maybe that’s part of the genius of us, you know? We can always start over. We can always begin anew. If something doesn’t work out, we have vast reserves of other dreams and talents we can employ instead. If we had fewer dimensions, we’d have fewer options.

    And you’re very right – your life is made of what you do, not what you think about. Too bad more people don’t realize that.

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